Friday, August 24, 2007

Lack of patience

I find myself with less and less patience as time goes on. I literally lost it this morning while trying to get the medical billing stuff straightened out. I sat on hold for 20 minutes only to have the person I was speaking to hang up on me. I called back, prepared to wait on hold again, and got the answering machine. I left a very blunt message saying that I want to have a supervisor call me back. I really did not want to leave a message but I was told by the main operator that I have no other option. Before I was hung up on the billing person was less than helpful telling me that I needed an account number (I only have a patient number). I tried to explain that I never received a bill so I don't have an account number. That was the point at which she hung up.

This just added to my already bad mood. I've had countless headaches and migraines over the past few months. They stopped for about a week and I thought maybe things were on the mend but they returned a few days ago. Tracking them I've noticed that they pop up whenever the temperatures get around 100 degrees. That is also when the swamp cooler starts to have problems cooling the house off. This summer has had more days over 100 than last year so it's starting to wear me down.

I'm also starting to really miss attending church on a regular basis. We have a trip planned for this weekend but it is so stressful to plan for 3 meals on the road and a 7 hour round trip that I just don't think I can do this anymore. We've called 2 more churches within a 2 hour radius with no luck. One doesn't have a pastor and hasn't had one since they were organized 4 years ago and the other one hasn't returned our calls. That leaves us with the option of attending the one church we found that uses the liturgy but does not place a high value on the sacraments or law and gospel preaching. We will probably try this church a few more times before making a final decision.

I'm just unhappy and I don't know how to fix it. I pray daily that God would give me the strength to get through the day knowing that He is faithful. I want so much to be a happier person, to be able to accept the situation we have been given with a cheerful heart but I just can't seem to get there. Being so unhappy makes it difficult to have any patience.


Cheryl said...

I can really relate to your comments about patience (or the lack thereof). I think I used to be a fairly patient person (I particularly think of when my older children were little). But in recent years I feel like I am always just a couple of straws short of the one that's going to break my camel's back. I think it's partly aging but also the fact that life seems a lot harder these days than it used to be.

And I pray that the Lord would lead you to a church that you can make your home. Regarding the one that you mentioned that does the liturgy but is weak on sacraments and preaching, I'm glad to hear you are still considering it. It may not have all that you are seeking, but if the liturgy is there you will be fed by it and if God's people are there you will benefit from the "mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren."

AmusedMomma said...

I'd agree that being unhappy makes it hard to be patient! I'll be praying for you as I know this is a difficult spot to find yourself in.