Monday, October 15, 2007

Feeling guilty

I've spent a lot of time recently feeling guilty that I have so much extra time. Most of that time has come at the expense of housework, I just can't seem to make myself want to clean. I'm still battling the feeling that we should be getting ready for another move.

I've been feeling guilty for how much sleep I get too. Kind of a weird thing to feel guilty about but since Paul gets so few hours of sleep it just seems wrong that I get so much.

The biggest thing I feel guilty about is our inability to settle on a church. I feel like I'm failing the kids. I don't feel like our basic requirements are all that much. We want a church that is liturgical, doesn't have women lay leaders/readers/communion assistants, practices closed communion, and has a pastor that preaches law and gospel. We've spent the last few weeks attending the last 2 churches in the area on our list. Nothing fits within the parameters we set up, and yes I am well aware that no church is perfect! The one that comes closest falls short in the preaching, and the communion practices are such that we don't feel comfortable communing at this time. *Sigh*, I keep telling myself that at least we hear the Word in this particular church each Sunday. The preaching just leads me further into despair though because I know I'm not doing enough. Both times we attended I feel crushed under the weight of sin and I've spent the week just miserable. I know I'm forgiven but not hearing it during the sermon after being shown my sin is so hard to deal with.

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